Seafood Dinner =) Nom!

Couple quick ideas for you to put together a beautiful dinner (don't judge it by the picture!) with minimal effort!

For this particular meal you will need:

Your favorite white fish (or salmon)
1 medium yellow onion
1 lemon
3 or 4 cloves of garlic
1 medium spaghetti squash
1 lb shelled and deveined shrimp
1 cucumber
1 brick of cream cheese (NOT cream cheese substitute or I can't believe it's not cream cheese...)
1 packet of Nori (should be in the Asian food aisle of your grocer)
1/2 lb crab meat
1 avocado
No less than 1 stick of butter
salt, pepper, and OPTIONAL dill (I hate dill =/)



Preheat oven to 350 and halve and seed your squash.
Add about 1/2 inch of salted water to a casserole dish and place squash cut side down in oven.
Let it hang out for about 30 minutes or until a fork easily pierces the skin.

Meanwhile place one slice of lemon and one slice of onion on a small square of foil. Place one piece of whitefish on your lemon and salt, pepper, and lemon the top of it. Add 2 or 3 pats of butter to the top and carefully fold foil over to make little steam packets. Throw in the oven when your squash has been hanging out for 10 of it's 30 minutes (Which will make the cooking time on your fish about 20 minutes, check that fish is firm but pull before it gets dry)

While everything bakes... On 1 sheet of nori, place a thin line of crab meat, cucumber, avocado, and cream cheese.
Carefully roll and set aside.
When you're ready, slice and serve beside the rest of your beautiful dish...
For extra points, buy powdered wasabi and mix a fresh batch to serve with your cali roll ;)

Add butter to a heated skillet and throw your shrimp in with garlic, onion, salt, pepper, and parsley. Toss until lightly browned on top.

Shred your squash and serve shrimp scampi style on top.
Carefully remove your fish and serve beside scampi.
Open a beautiful bottle of white wine and toast your fabulosity <3

Butternut Squash Soup *A WHOLE family friendly recipe for Thanksgiving*

I'm not going to wax philosophical on the meaning of Thanksgiving today..

It's the one day a year we don't need some weird keyboard warrior to remind us to smile at our significant other as he watches football on the couch. It's the day we don't get frustrated at the dog for being under our feet or our sister for bringing that musician boyfriend nobody can seem to get behind.
It's the day you invite the vegan cousin for dinner... knowing you're going to have to watch him glare at the turkey and remind you that it once had a brain and a mother.

The newly converted Buddhist/Artist/Dog Groomer/Theramin player/Splashing Hands Instructor brother will sit next to your lawyer friend who couldn't get home for the holiday.
And everyone will hate something on the table and something on the tv. Everyone will tell you why the last election was rigged or right and everyone will roll their eyes as 3 different denominations insist on leading the prayer over the meal.
And everyone will leave without a hint of animosity at the diverse table of gorgeous souls who had one thing in common: Everything to be grateful for.

So thank you for reading <3 Thank you for opening your hearts...
And thank you for leaving me the turkey leg ;) The wishbone is all yours. I couldn't hope for another amazing thing this year...

So. What are you going to feed your vegan paleo diabetic celiacs with peanut allergies this year?

How about some Butternut Squash soup?

Easy Peasy. Ready??

I very large butternut squash. Peeled, seeded, and cubed.
1 large yellow onion, roughly chopped

4 or 5 carrots, cleaned and chopped
4-6 cups of veggie stock (depending on your desired consistency and # of folks to serve)
Cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, clove OR curry powder... if ya wanna schmancy it ;)

Preheat oven to 400. You have the option of tossing your cubed squash in olive oil and salt before spreading in an even layer on your cookie sheet (I don't prefer to cook with olive oil.. but that's a whole nother post... here I would use butter or bacon grease depending on my desired flavor)
Roast for 30-40 minutes until a fork inserts easily.

Toss your onion into a large hot pot with some kind of fat (butter, olive oil, lard, tallow, bacon grease....) until onions have softened. Add carrots and any other veggies you want to use. Butternut squash has a very rich flavor, so this is an ideal place to sneak cauliflower or any extra veg into your family's dinner without any complaining ;)

Cook until you have reached a pretty uniform tenderness and add your veggie stock. Obviously, you can use beef or chicken stock here as well, but we're being vegan today ;)

 

 

Add your roasted butternut squash to stock and cook until your liquid has reduced by about 1/4. Add whatever spices tickle your turkey and hit the whole thing with a stick blender or slowly add to a food processor until you've reached your desired consistency =)

Serve it up to your colorful collection of loved ones and enjoy one last silent night before the next of the holidays hits ya between the eyes ;)

 

 

It's the end of the world as we know it... and I feel fine

December 21, 2012.
I'm sure you're aware of the significance of that date.
It's only an approximation, of course... but that's the best anyone can hope for, really.
The day the world as we know it.... ends.
That's it.
The Mayans aren't the only ones who have cleverly (if somewhat cryptically) informed us of our impending upheaval.

Nostradamus.
The dreams of Daniel.
Revelations made to John the Apostle.

We've known about this for centuries.. and yet, was there any way to prepare?
No.
When your world changes, you can't be ready.
You just have to change, too.

I've spent months preparing for this.
I know I've done everything I can.. but on at least a daily basis I take inventory.
Where can the supply be supplemented? Do we have a decent supply of food? What else can help in the transition??
All the supplies in the world aren't what I need.

I do my pushups against the wall or up the stairs. It's getting harder with my expanding belly. I can barely bend my arms before my belly brushes ground.
I do pushups with my legs on the couch.
I swim to keep my heart healthy enough for the exertions before me.
I use the abductor and abductor machines to keep my legs strong.
Reverse crunches. Squats. I don't use weights anymore, but I stay strong.
I keep myself well fueled.
You never know when everything could start... you never know when life as we know it will begin to change.

I check our supplies again.
Onesies. Check.
Tiny jeans. Check.
Tiny hoodies with dinosaur spikes down the back.. Double check.
We still need to make a final decision on those cloth diapers and make that initial investment.. but again. All the supplies in the world won't prepare us for the end. For the beginning....

When the day comes and the world is changed.. all we'll be able to do is stare in awe at the tiny wonder that will save us. Save us from not knowing what we're capable of. Save us from having no place to put all of the good we have cultivated in our 60 combined years of life..
All we can do is embrace the new world that will be handed to us.
And all I can think is... it's going to be a Good life <3


Paleo Pasta

This isn't really a recipe.. just an idea =)

I found one of those amazing little gadgets that you find now and again that makes you wonder how you ever cooked without it.. Simple thing, really.. it's a julienne peeler...

 

 

Inexpensive... INNNNNNVALUABLE!
I've been making everything with it.
I Julienne Zucchini and yellow squash for a pasta dish and serve it with Vodka sauce (recipe soon!)
I Julienne carrots, zucchini, yellow squash, eggplant, peppers and toss them with some chicken base and crushed red pepper for some spicy chicken lo mein..
It's my new favorite toy =) =)



Last night, I made spicy beef stir fry.
Happiness <3 <3

I would love to hear about some of your favorite gadgets and what you do with them!!!
Feel free to leave a comment or message me directly with any thoughts or suggestions!!!


Enjoy the end of the world, my sweet ninjas!
I know I will <3

PaleOmaha.. A safe place to lay your fork. Part Uno.

PaleOmaha.
Pronunciation: Pale Eee Oh Maha.
Definition: Places in Omaha where you can find absolutely delicious fare without making yourself sick eating some glutenous mass because you didn't want to be a bother =)

That's right. I love eating in a restaurant. It makes any day feel a little special.. let someone else prepare something beautiful and bring it to me. Go home and not have to wash dishes.... All a recipe for a great night!
But The Caveman is incredibly strict about his Paleo ways.. which is understandable.
When he makes the decision that he wants something bad for him, he goes for it.. but for days after he's lethargic. Down. Bloated. He coughs incessantly and has to use his inhaler again. His stomach aches constantly and his skin gets patchy.
He doesn't decide that he wants gluten very often at all.

This makes restaurant dining a BIT tricky. Not terrible.. but a challenge. So for the last year, I've been cataloguing places we can go to find something that will still be enjoyable to eat, excellent service, fun atmosphere, and Paleo Approved =)

Ready? Let's go!


                                           Manila Grill

                                            108th & O st
                                           (402) 339-2606

 

 

 





My dinner... Lots of veggies and beef in a delicious tomato based sauce.
I LOVED it.. very satisfying.

 



Caveman's dinner..
Beef in a Mirin and Bay sauce.
He liked his a lot, but mine was CLEARLY the better order ;)

 

                                          
The atmosphere was comfortable, not fancy. It was lovely, considering we were unfamiliar with Filipino food and wanted a low pressure dining experience. I assume it was the owner's family who came in and seated themselves at a nearby table.. 12 or so people, loud and boisterous.. asking how long we had been dating, if we wanted to try some of this or that, making recommendations on the menu. One of the children came and sat at our table with us because he found Abrabacon so amusing.. (Imagine that! A 5 year old finds Abe amusing.. will wonders never cease!)
We felt included and welcomed. Even aside from the food being incredibly satisfying, the place is a treasure. Highly recommend!

 

                                                                            Kona Grill

                                   
                                           295 North 170th Street 
                                                (402) 779-2900

 

 

What? Sushi??? Raw fish and rice?????
Here's the thing. You have to ask VERY nicely and they may or may not charge you a dollar extra per roll, but you can have your rolls wrapped in Nori (Seaweed) and then a layer of cucumber or avocado rolled over the outside. Adds the healthy fats your body loves and makes you feel more satisfied after fewer rolls =)
Delicious. I love this place, but it is a little 'Chainy' for my personal pleasure... I'm quite certain you can con any kind sushi chef into making this alteration. Give it a try! You will not be sorry..

In addition, Kona has many delicious entrees that can easily be made suitable.. You can simply ask for additional veggies instead of rice or noodles on each dish, mashed potatoes, or a salad to substitute the offending side =)
                                                    Outback Steakhouse
 


Ok
I LOVE seared Ahi. LOVE IT.
This appetizer plus a side of seasonal veggies with butter comprise one of my favorite dinners.
First.. always ask if it's butter or margarine.
Cuz. Seriously.
Then, take your time as you let the spice blend come together on your tongue.
Happiness <3

A steakhouse tends to be a pretty easy bet// a steak slathered in butter with veggies/
Sweet potato with cinnamon and butter.
Abe likes to get a salad topped with cottage cheese instead of dressing... dressings are usually made of ridiculous amounts of soybean oil...So there you have it, my darling dolls. Part one of my Paleomaha series. Check back for more delicious dining destinations soon!

<3

Giving up. The Very long beginning of a VERY long love story

We are constantly reminded that nothing good ever comes easy..
But the notion that nothing good comes without hard work gives us the false impression that just because we've worked very hard for something, we can never let it go. We can't give up something we've given so much to...


Long way around the story is this...

When we found out we were expecting, we were obviously overjoyed.
We started planning immediately.. should we move or just renovate? Should I look into starting a home daycare so I can stay home with the baby, or should I just find work and try to schedule myself for when Abe isn't working? Should Abe keep fighting, or is that bad for our dynamic?

We giggled as we waited for our ultrasound tech to come show us pictures of our tiny miracle.
We held hands as she poured the warm gel over my flat stomach and we both stared intently at the monitor...
The tech frowned. Reached her free hand up to stroke her own round, pregnant belly and pursed her lips.
Finally, she brightened and I breathed a bit easier.
"Ok dear.. do you see what I see on the screen?" She chirped..
I don't see anything....
"Exactly. It appears you have had a miscarriage. We'll give you some pills to help you expel the remainder of the failed pregnancy and you guys can talk with your doctor about when you can try again." She smiled and nodded her head enthusiastically. I felt Abe's hands shaking, but couldn't bring myself to tear my burning eyes from the screen. The empty screen..

Can we...? If I finished my sentence, I was going to cry. I wasn't ready to cry. I wasn't ready to be done being this baby's Mom.
I pointed at the *otherrrr* ultrasound device. The really invasive one.
She seemed a bit put off by my insistence, but acquiesced.
A moment of looking and she triumphantly announces her original assessment was correct.
I still can't look at Abe.
Instead, I continue to insist. I take matters into my own hands and position the device myself..

A moment later....
The tiniest kidney bean flashes across the screen.
Tiny.
If it wasn't the very face of hope and love, I might not have recognized it as a reason to stop.

That was our son.
Now I cried.
This tiny little bean was the reason our hands, sweaty and trembling, were still clinging for one another. He was the reason those hands would search for one another so many times over the next several months..

From that moment, I began to plan in earnest. We discussed baby proofing. What to do with our two 70 lb dogs. I did a real inventory of my diet to find I was only averaging about 1000 calories a day (before the morning sickness came... ) so I needed to revamp my intake.

And then I woke around 4am feeling odd.
My mind consoled.. it's just menstrual cramps. Don't worry.
A groggy trip to the bathroom would verify this and my sleepy mind brushed it off.
Once my head rediscovered the pillow, the weight of the situation began to bear down.
Menstrual cramps. I'm 4 months pregnant.
The contractions came for the next 2 days. Call after call to my doctor begging to know what I can DO... how can I make it stop?
He calmly.. sadly... told me all I could do was rest. Get some sleep. Drink plenty of fluids.

That's not a THING.. that's not DOING something. I will do 1000 pushups if you tell me my baby is ok.
I will read all of the books again. I will sing the national anthem. I will vacuum the dryer vent... but give me something I can DO that will fix this!

Just rest.

Abe sat beside me on the couch. He stared at me.. hoping he could make the baby feel loved enough to stay. He didn't speak except to tell our son that while we were excited to meet him.. not yet. Please not yet... I'm going to be such a good Dad, but you won't know if you don't stay! I'll buy you a bike! I'll teach you to play basketball.. I'll even let you win sometimes.. just don't go.

I rested like it was my job. Called all of my yoga clients and studios and told them I was under the weather and needed some time off.
Abe fed me like he was trying to insulate our son. If there is enough food in there, maybe he'll get lost and not be able to find his way out?

About a week later, we finally got the clear. He was safe. His heartbeat was strong. I needed to be more careful about physical activity and dehydration, but otherwise...

At this point, I began getting a lot of negative feedback. I was being told I wasn't happy enough about being pregnant. I was told I was too vain. I was told I was gaining too much weight... not enough.
I got to hear from 2nd sources about how I didn't deserve to have this baby.
How many people wanted babies and I wasn't even trying and one just got handed to me... and now I wasn't even happy about it.
I only tried once to discuss the truth of the matter to one of these people before giving up.
I didn't have the energy to waste on someone else's negativity. I haven't spoken with her since and I'm amazed at how little I feel the loss. How little pain it causes once you've lost respect for someones opinion. That was my first lesson in giving up something I had nurtured. Something I had loved...
It was going to be the first of many.

I decided to stop lifting. I always got a few scattered contractions when we bench pressed, so I put it away.
I cut my 5 miles a day down to 2. The summer was hot and I couldn't risk dehydration.

LockeYoga was really picking up.. in one week, I got 11 calls from brand new clients. As tired as my swelling body was, I had worked really hard to get to this point. Figuring early pregnancy fatigue was a fine thing to muscle through, I took client after client. Accepted a position at yet ANOTHER studio. Volunteered to teach a few scattered classes for an office full of very overworked caregivers.

During each class.. one or two contractions.
After... sporadic contractions for a few hours.

I asked my doctor if it was safe and he assured me it was not only safe, but incredibly good for my little one. Always happy to do what's best for him, I continued accepting positions.

At about 5 1/2 months.. the contractions changed. My belly would be completely flat for hours and I would sweat and sometimes see a few stars from the intensity.

Then I began to dilate.

The nurses at the doctors office said he would call me back. They never gave him the message. I called again. He was gone for the weekend. I called the on call doctor. His nurses assured he would call back. 8pm... they told me to go to the ER.

I was sent back to the couch for the weekend. Tears dripped off my chin for days and I couldn't eat because of the pain. Walking became a challenge.. not because of the discomfort, but because of my crippling fear that the upright position would make things worse.

Again, come Monday evening the pain had decreased significantly.

Those days on the couch forced me to truly examine my energy expenditure.

I have spent 4 hard years building LockeYoga.
In the early days, I missed my fair share of meals because of how tight money had become.
I had to rebuild my client base when a rival told several of my clients that my certification was fake. That I had injured a client. That I was overweight and unqualified to teach anything about a healthy lifestyle. Untrue as it was, people's faith in you is fickle and they moved on.
I stayed up nights designing programs to incorporate a wheel chair for a client with advanced MS.
I cried when, for the first time in 4 years, he stood behind his chair to hug me. The only standing he had done in that time was to move himself from the chair to the bed.. with the help of several rigged bars.
I struggled with a program for a girl with a severe spinal cord injury. A couple with Parkinson's. A mother with 3 children. An obese woman who only wanted to be able to one day paint her toenails again.

 



My several group classes comprised 50% of advanced yogis and 50% newcomers. Watching them shift in beautiful rhythm from a lunge into Goddess... hands to the ground and in unison fly into crow... Nobody knew who had never tried before, other than the giggles and cries of victory as they realized their body's true ability..

I thought of how much I had given to this thing I believed in so much... that had finally made me believe in myself.

I used my remaining time on the couch to make 2 online posts and about 2 dozen phone calls.

4 years. It took me 4 years to create something out of my investments, sweat, and passion.
It took me about 20 minutes to shut the whole thing down.

I stopped teaching in September. Completely stopped.

It only took me 5 minutes of knowing I was this perfect human's mother to know I would give up anything to know he was safe.
It took only an hour of being stubborn and forcing my body to submit to something it was resisting to realize how easily he could be taken away.

I have switched health care providers from our OB to an amazing midwife with an incredible support staff.
We have re-prioritized the people in our lives and therefore cut out a significant amount of negativity.
We have painted our nursery and spent hours jabbering at the fluttering mound that blocks my view of my toes.
We all want to believe in something, but we have to allow ourselves to accept it when it's in front of our eyes.
If we ever saw a real dragon... we would call it a lizard.
If we saw a fairy, we would know it was just a bug.
And the day I found faith again, when I found something to believe in- when I saw the face of love.. I only thought it was the face of my son peering back at me through a black and white screen.


 

Quick check back..

33 weeks and counting!

 Hey guys!
So the whole.. being pregnant with a superhuman thing is hard work! A little exhausting, but I just wanted to send you a quick note =)
I have a whole new enthusiasm for making allergen-free foods fun... I recently found out one of my favorite humans alive is dealing with autoimmune issues and is beginning a gluten free adventure =) So I'll be extra sure to post more frequently. And for now.. I dunno.
You guys wanna see how fat I've gotten???
You DOO??? ;)
It's hard to give you accurate estimates on how far along I am in each as we have 3 due dates...but I'll give you my best approximation ;)




10 weeks
 

12 weeks

11 weeks






 

 



14 weeks
 

15 weeks

 

 

16 weeks

19 weeks




23 weeks + Bed Head =)

25 weeks


 

27 weeks

29 weeks
 




31 weeks

  

See you soon, my little love!
 

Cauliflower Crust Pizza.. Cuz I'm sorry and I love you!

I always smile from deep in my heart when I find out someone actually reads these silly thoughts I keep in my head.. but I think of it more as a passing fancy or mild distraction from homework or dishes for them. So when someone comes to me and says a post is missing, I am shocked that anyone keeps that kind of track! Then when I notice I have 14 emails about a missing post, I want to give each of my 5000 unique views a hug for actually paying attention <3

Yes.. you will notice that "VigilAuntie Justice", my post about sticking up for people smaller than you and my recipe for Cauliflower crust pizza, is missing.
I would love to showcase some righteous indignation at the blogsite for deleting a post about doing what's right.. about being strong! About eating Pizza!!!!!
Unfortunately, your humble narrator has nobody to blame but herself...
I have a habit of writing up most of a post and leaving it in draft when I get caught up in work or when my computer catches a virus and I need to step away for a while... then I never get back to the draft and simply start the post over. VigilAuntie Justice was probably my 4th or 5th attempt at getting all of my thoughts out and in an attempt to clean all of my drafts off my list, I accidentally deleted it.

Now laugh if you must.. but I believe that one day there will be a cure for computer illiteracy!
Feel free to donate money to the cause (or donate money to feed my Peppermint Mocha addiction.. either way). Until then, please accept my apologies and this new and improved post about how to make delicious, grain free pizza =) =)

There are several ways to go about this, so forgive my lengthy post!

Ingredients:
1 head of cauliflower OR 2 bags of frozen cauliflower
1/2 lb of mozzarella cheese (plus more for topping)
1tsp garlic powder
1tsp oregano
1 tsp basil
1 egg

If using fresh cauliflower, chop roughly before steaming. ****If you want to make your crust EXTRA special, you can use aromatics in your steam water. For instance, I throw a handful of fresh rosemary into the water before steaming the cauliflower if I'm making Greek pizza... Some fresh lavender and a few cloves if I'm making Indian pizza
Once cauliflower is tender, set aside in a colander to drain off as much liquid as possible.

Use this time to grate your cheese. When I say 'Grate' I mean cheat and throw it in the food processor ;) You're going to be using it in a minute anyway...
Grate any cheese you will be using as toppings as well and set aside. 

Now CAREFULLY add your cauliflower into your empty food processor with the grate blade on top.


I like to lay out a clean bath towel and line it with paper towels. Carefully spread cauliflower onto your paper towel.

Fold towel over and press out any extra moisture with a heavy book.
Or....

Believe it or not, some people don't like Cavemen sitting on their food. I dunno.. to each their own ;)

Once you have removed all the moisture you can, carefully remove cauliflower from the towels and blend with 1/2 lb of cheese, as well as your egg, garlic, oregano, and basil.
Carefully line a cookie sheet or pizza pan with PARCHMENT PAPER... not foil. Not wax paper... I'm sure there is SOME amount of greasing your pan you could do to make your crust not stick, but I have not found this amount and simply opt for parchment.

I personally prefer to form individual sized crusts, as it gives each of your guests the opportunity to build their own perfect pizza.. It also gives you the option to make a double batch and freeze individual crusts once they're baked and have an easy, Delicious snack or meal ready whenever you are =)


Press the crusts out thin for crisp pizza and set your top rack as high as you can. Broil and flip (another reason for individual sizes.. you can flip with a spatula instead of having to use 2 pans!)

Once your crusts are broiled on both sides, top with whatever make you happy =)

Throw them back in the oven until cheese is melted and enjoy your delicious, guilt free pizza.

Thank you all so much for following along with me!
I do my best to always provide you with thought provoking entertainment and am so grateful for my followers! <3

Love.. of the heirloom variety

Abrabacon and I like to go to the farmer's market on the weekends.
We basically rob them of free range chicken eggs and grass fed liver and hearts to feed our dogs. 
We find hilarious hippies playing harmonicas for change and amazing little kids with violins.. squeaking out every 4th note or so.. making them no less amazing <3
We find tomatoes. The kind I'll actually eat.
I LOVE tomatoes.. but not hydroponically grown orange-red perfect orbs that taste like wax and water. 
I will only eat tomatoes a couple of months out of the year, and only when they're ugly.
Not ugly by my standard, mind you. But not uniform. Not symmetrical. Not beautiful by societal standard.
I like heirloom tomatoes.

They look bruised and have strange growths on them. Lumps and bumps where they don't belong.. 
And when you cut into them, they're a maze of thick flesh and random seed hotels. Tiny caverns in the most disorganized of patterns. The smell forces your eyes closed as you think of all the delicious preparations.
Your brain paints you intricate pictures of salads and sandwiches.. bruschetta with basil and blts made with mashed avocado instead of mayo.. <3

These delicious foods you'll never quite taste... this sweet bulbous mass will never make it to the cutting board. You've already begun sinking your senses into the homely fruit.. juice dripping off your elbows. Gums tingling with the acids.


That's ok. Save the recipes for that mess of hydros you can buy at the grocery store for next to nothing because they ARE next to nothing. The ones genetically modified not for taste or nutrition, but for aesthetic and it's ability to travel. Wax coated and never a flaw... For sturdiness, not substance.



And it's not just tasteless tomatoes that have had the real value genetically coerced out of them.

When the days of time travel finalllllly get here, make your first stop some time before the year 1800. Go get yourself a banana. When you ask for one, just go ahead and accept whatever foreign looking object is handed to you... that IS a banana. I know. Stop crying. I know... 
Or perhaps you'd like to know what a chicken really looks like?
Hint: Nobody should have breasts that big.
Which brings me to another point......

I have a crush on heirloom variety humans.

Not the ones who have had their flaws burned, sliced, lipo'ed, implanted, bleached, pinned, dieted, cut, molded, or squeezed out of sight.
I love a girl with a spattering of freckles.
I like a guy whose hair isn't gelled into undone perfection.
I like a head of hair that fingers can find their way through without fear of clumps of overly bleached or glued-on tresses finding themselves upheaved. 
I don't like spending time in groups of people who look like episode 7 of whatever tv show is on these days.. everyone color coordinated and wearing the perfectly tailored $250 jeans.
Not hydroponic people who practice their 'networking laugh' and their 'business flirting' smiles in the mirror every day. 
I'm in love with people who were bred for quality.. 
The ones with minds you want to cut open and enjoy.. not hide in a melange of other flavorless ingredients. 
The ones with perspective... usually different from mine. Ones I can argue with and they don't mind becoming passionate about a topic (Truly impassioned discussions look ugly.. red faces. Tears..) The ones who go off script. 


So.. my beautiful friends <3
I'd like to thank you all for being delicious.
For being bright and colorful. For not being afraid of maybe looking a little different.
For sillywalk parades and nutrient-dense nights full of something new. 
I love my heirloom life <3


So... You wanna do something besides eat those tomatoes like apples? 
Suit yerself!

Tomato Salad

3 heirloom tomatoes carefully diced
1 large cucumber, seeded and diced
6 oz feta cheese, crumbled
fresh or frozen mint (optional) bruised and chopped
2 tsp sour cream

Mash your feta and sour cream together with a fork until they form a creamy/chunky base
Add veggies and mint
Serve with Greek Meatballs or.. basically anything! Nom <3

Follow your Amygdala..

Rather frequently, I get random odd words stuck in my head.. liking the way they sound and rolling them around in my mind for a while. The word often gets stuck there until a new word takes it's place. For a long time, it was the word Ampersand. I imagine it floating through my brain, taking on the very shape of what it represents. &mpers&nd. I let it curl and flower in my thoughts until something came to shuffle it out of place and occupy that useless part of my brain which is relegated to clinging to random words...

Ampersand was replaced by Cloyyyyying. Cloying was replaced by Agelast.. which made me sad to think about, and therefore found itself lodged until I forced another word into it's place. I like the word Acquiesce... it's a beautiful sound for what it means.

Then one day, I opened a family sized bag of skittles to pour into a dish at work.. and the word Amygdala popped into my brain. I immediately knew why he found himself floating in my middle mind, rolling himself around.. looking for attention.

Amygdala.. his job is to connect emotional responses with external stimuli. Connect a song with the ex boyfriend who played it while I made him dinner. Now I feel wistful when Skinny Love pops up on my playlist.. or when I make rosemary chicken. The taste of the cinnamon gum he chewed just in case I wanted to kiss him too..
Listening to Glycerine as we sat in the car, watching rain fall on the moon roof, knowing we were both just waiting for the song to end... and for us to end.

Connect the sound of ice clinking as it melts in a glass to a warm summer night, fireflies, and lemonade. The taste of canned pineapple to the day I visited Schmom in the hospital after she had my little sister.. I climbed in her bed and she shared her tray of what could almost be confused for food with me as we gazed at the tiny bundle at her side.

Connect the smell of a family sized bag of skittles with the memory of the green candy dish I bought at my Aunt's garage sale.

It was ages old, and I was just happy to have a little piece of family history... and for only $1.25! Self medicating with the brightly colored confection as I spent my teenage years and early 20s suffering from insomnia.. Blindly prizing the sugary remedy from the dish at 4am while watching Undergrads and Home Movies. Years after the green bowl was lost (in a move... borrowed.. broken.. who knows) skittles still smell like 4am. Quiet hours to myself. Pre-facebook. Pre-Myspace. Delicious sweetness.

When the caveman leaves the lid off his supply of vinegar, which he does almost daily... my dear amygdala doesn't connect it with the thousands of times I've smelled it on his skin post-shower.. it brings me instead to those precious few memories of standing around the kitchen with my 8 siblings, tiny capsules of color dropped into a coffee cup filled with water and white vinegar.. box of Paas ripped open and tiny wire spoon already bent beyond usefulness. It's ok.. we'd use our fingers anyway. And Dad would bring in a white crayon to magically write an invisible message to us on the dollar egg.

Burnt toast will always be a morning spent with Schmom.. The coffee cup always felt so heavy in my 3 year old hand, almost too heavy for me to pull it to my mouth.. but I managed. Listening intently to my mother's side of the conversation she was having on her daily call to my grandma as I crunched on my burned toast and bacon sandwich.. melted butter collecting crumbs at my lips.. bacon tearing at the roof of my little mouth. I'd stare down at my baby brother strapped in his seat, hoping he admired me for being old and mature enough to take part in such an adult ritual as sitting at the table with our mother over coffee..

My attempts at purchasing clothes to fit my brand new awkwardly shaped body could be the beginning of their own memory, but alas. Each over-sized smock and loose waisted blouse smells like my first day of Kindergarden. A dark blue dress with giant roses splashed everywhere.. I would try to wear it every day for my first 2 years of school.. long after my skinny legs were too long for it to be an acceptable length. I simply began wearing pants underneath. It was among the first pieces of clothing that was MINE. My 6 sisters had never.. and WOULD never wear it. The taffeta layer beneath the skirt would leave scratches on nobody's legs but mine, as I refused to pass it down to my younger sister. One day, Erin finally got sick of looking at the threadbare piece of fabric I clung to so desperately and did away with it while I was at school. It was a mercy killing, really...

Amygdala.

I write it out with flowering letters. I make it tall and thin. I shade it, to give it depth and dimension.. 

Amygdala.

The memories of who I was. The scents that remind me that I am still that girl. 

The Cool Water that will always smell like my first kiss.. awkward and clumsy. The stubble on his face making me want to pull away, but being too shy to let him see my burning cheeks. Not knowing if I simply didn't like being kissed, or if I was just doing it wrong. Turns out, I like being kissed. Just not by guys who smell like cool water... 

A bottle of J'adore will always smell like my first date with the caveman. I wanted him to think of me as a woman, not the girl in a uniform and ponytail at the gym where we met. So I bought it. Citrusy. Delicate. Beautiful.. 

Perfect for a night of miniature golf and pancakes at Denny's.. 

Or the stick of Obsession Erin gave me to wear to school on Valentines day my 6th grade year. I was going to tell a boy I liked that it was about time he stopped acting like he wasn't in love with me. I chickened out. The Obsession broke in my backpack and spilled all over my candy hearts, which I didn't realize until I'd popped 3 in my mouth. Be Mine, Call Me, and You're Sweet will always taste like mystery.. and a chemical burn on my tongue.

Amygdala. 

Every day, my brain is exposed to these stimuli. How busy you are, drawing me lines and making these connections for me!

How much more will I love you when I'm old.. too tired to make new memories? When I lie in my bed and slide my fingers over pictures of my sweet Baby Boy.. these ultrasound pictures I already treasure so much. Pictures of his first day of school, smelling like new clothes and crayons. Pictures in his football uniform, smelling of sweat and promises. Pictures of him leaving for college, smelling like goodbye.

Amygdala. 

Such a beautiful word....

You're not the boss of me, Baby! And pancakes =)

As I stare at the shopping list I've been handed by the lovely lady of the house where I spend my afternoons, I am again reminded that I need to actually EAT something.. And it has to be FOOD. Stop writing eggs and lunchmeat. Stop writing 'fruits and veggies' on my shopping list and tell me what you really want. What the Baby wants... You have to stop denying him. When he makes you crave something, it means it's what he wants to eat.


This is a nearly constant scenario since I've announced my pregnancy. Increasingly frequent reminders that my cravings for hot chocolate with a 6 inch whipped cream cap and half a dozen chocolate dipped and chipped cookies are my baby's way of telling me how to make him happy.


I'm a terrible mother already for giving this child blueberries when he wants rice crispie treats dipped in molten chocolate and rolled in graham cracker crumbs.  He's telling me what he NEEDS.
My baby has a very severe Potato Ole deficiency. 

However.. the baby needs to start to understand something.. and hopefully all of the helpful advisors out there will read this and better understand my stance on the matter...

I don't blame my little half pound, half gestated womb-renter for my sudden urges to throw all of my nutritional knowledge to the wind. I'm going to gain a lot of weight anyway, why not do so deliciously?

See. This kid has the IQ of a negative 4 month old.

Well.. this is sure to be a very advanced member of the species.. so maybe the IQ of a negative 2 month old ;)

All the same. I'm pretty sure I'm in a better place to decide what he or she should and shouldn't be eating.

After all, when BamBam is 4 and wants to leave the broccoli on his plate and eat a piece of cake instead, I'm going to overrule. Why shouldn't I do so when I'm actually in control of what he eats?? I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I could make him like brussel sprouts...

I want to give this perfect little human every chance at being his healthiest, strongest, smartest self. I'm not going to accomplish this by feeding him all of the deep fried foods covered in Nacho cheese he seems to covet so strongly...

Also.

Pretty sure it's me craving it, anyway.

So I try to re-interpret these cravings.

   Wants:              Potato Chips

               Gets:     Root Veggie chips in TallowWants:                       Cake

                                  Gets:     A bowl of mixed berries in heavy cream

                    Wants:     Boursin with butter crackers
                    Gets: Boursin slathered potato pancakes
                              Wants:     Nachos. All of the Nachos.             

                       Gets:     Cottage cheese with green olives

                                                 Wants:     An oatmeal cookie with a glass of chocolate milk

                                                  Gets:      An oatmeal cookie with a glass of chocolate milk

Cuz.. well. Hush.

And when what THE BABY wants... or rather, when what his pregnant cavewoman wants is pancakes, Sir Abrabacon does the following:

Mixes

8 whole eggs

1tsp cinnamon 

and 3 scoops of Vanilla Whey Protein Powder (you may need more, so keep it close)

Continue adding powder until you've reached pancake batter consistency. Heat a skillet until a drop of water  beads up and then butta yo pannnn!

Cook em up pancake style. I should have to 'splain that part, silly ;)

And then top with your favorite pancakey goodness! 

I used heavy whipping cream (actual cream, not the stuff in the freezer) and berries <3

Mmmmmmm =)